marvelous mediocrity

tomorrow does not feel like friday.

but i will be grateful for it none the less!

this has been a tough week.

brilliant little emily finally put 2+2 together about all the health problems that have been driving her absolutely bonkers for 2 years....

and thought to myself, huh, maybe i have pcos...

and then mom tells me, "um, ya, you've always had it"...

and i slap myself on the forehead for being so oblivious as to what's going on.

it's a delightful little part of pcos called insulin resistance.

anyway, it has caused a major perspective shift for mr. robinson and myself as i stare myself down in the mirror and wonder how i was so blindsided by my very very obvious condition.

so this has been my first week without sugar.

don't worry i haven't lost an ounce of the enormous amount of weight i've gained. but eddie and i have laid down a 30 day wii fit challenge, which he is guaranteed to win, but i did my best to beat his high score on advanced step today. mwuhahahahahahaha!

anyway, being good is hard, but i am determined to fix this naturally, but terribly fearful, that with the severity of my symptoms nothing but medication will help.

it hurts a lot to feel like you are trapped in your own body and have no control over what happens to it.

it hurts even more to know that a year ago to the day, i had friends, who i thought the world of, tell me that by leaving the band i was going to get "all fat" because no one would be forcing me to be accountable to my weight. and that it happened to me, and that it still makes me cry when i think about it.

all i can do is stabilize my blood sugar and exercise, but it does feel terribly hopeless these days when i get up and look in the mirror and see the drastic changes that are manifested all over my body.

anyway, day 3 of the month long wii fit challenge and my abs are sore.

and i'm wishing for better weather so i can go back outside to exercise...



sorry for the depressing post.