marvelous mediocrity

holidays! again!

2010-11-30T09:47:00.002-05:00

hi blog!
it is that time of year again. here we all are, in the last sprint towards the holidays, hoping to get everything done on time, wishing we had done everything earlier this year, like we wish every year.

i'm wondering where my sense of organization just whisked itself off to. i think it found someone to adopt it, because normally it would have come back by now. it might be gone FOREVER.

life has been streaming by us in minnesota, and i am, always always, trying to find ways to make it SLOW DOWN ALREADY. The long list of to dos keeps getting longer and the due dates recede farther and farther into the past. me and due dates are not getting along lately. i haven't been able to stop myself from giving them the finger and walking the other way instead of trying to work through our troubles.

so here's to happy holidays coming up! ima try to keep things sane. and we are newly addicted to "words" app on iphone, dear friends. please join us where we can obsessively play scrabble together for hours in order to give those deadlines the finger they deserve.

hi blog!

2010-01-07T15:53:00.002-05:00

how are you?!

i'm doing okay.

it has been a long time!

i know.

i say that all the time.

but it's ok, i know you will forgive me. i still love you and you know it.

did you know it's 2010?! of course you did!! you are way more on top of things like this than me most of the time. i can always count on that.

i spose i should talk about resolutions and stuff. what i plan on doing this next year. but i don't really feel like it.

i've now got a notebook by my bed where i have a very long list of everything i think i need to do, small or big. i like the small things. i can cross those off fast.

it is easy to keep track of and pulls things out of my brain when i shouldn't be wasting my effort thinking about them.

lots of big things this year... more grad school (i passed my classes, yay!), megs is getting hitched (yay!!), and i am really really determined to do a marathon this coming fall.

i want to cross it off the list. ;)

i know i know. i said that LAST year. we will just have to wait and see then if this is the year, eh?

i figure it will be my third decade birthday present to myself.

i know, right!!! thirty!!!

terribly exciting, if you know what i mean.

working out is starting to get fun again, but it does make me sleepy and hungry!

are you excited for me to start chronically long runs again? no fancy tour locations this time around, i'm afraid.

i'll have to come up with something to jazz it up.

around the house eddie is working hard, cali is sleeping hard, artemis (otherwise known as "kitten" or "mutant") is playing hard and shaft is busy trying to find dangerous substances to ingest. his little suicide hobby is such a joy to monitor!

well, that's all i got for now. i would say i'll keep in better touch but you know me. fickle doesn't even begin to cover it!

take care-

<3
em

disease, halloween, kittentude

2009-10-30T11:17:00.002-04:00

so, i've been back in school for a month and totally getting my ass kicked on the clarinet. trust me. jumping back into a grad program after 2 years without practice. not advised.

so while i've been running around like the scream painting for 2 months, the grim reaper decided, like my favorite david wilcox says, to pull my aside and give me a warning. and this week i got the shit knocked out of me by a respitory virus. i can normally handle life at about 85% while juggling a cold. but this little bug was extra special, it was a full stop you don't get to do ANYTHING AT ALL for a frickin week cold.

this morning, my sinuses are much improved, i haven't had a fever or chills or sweats in over 24 hours, but i've still got that ugly barking cough. happy halloween, at least this year i don't need a costume! the zombie look just comes naturally.

in the meantime, we've adopted a kitten, her name is artemis and trying to take picture of her is a worthless endeavor, since she never ever ever holds still. she has so much sass no one knows what to do with her and i'm hoping she mellows with age.

we shall see.

i've been trying to finish up my insanely long reading list, totally not happening. i should move on. i really should. i think i will hold out until i come up with a winter list.

in the meantime my favorite time of year is here! Nanowrimo. starts in 2 days. i haven't even THOUGHT about it. graduate school has sucked my body and soul into the dark pit of busy despair that it is. but, a girl has to do something to keep herself from driving off a bridge sometimes and i'm thinking i'm gonna make a comeback this year. i have to have something to do when my lip starts to bleed and my fingers go completely numb from practice.

anyway, happy halloween everyone! hope you are having some good times out and about there, I'm going to try to keep being me despite my all consuming new adventures and maybe post some more pictures while i'm at it.

it's official

2009-09-04T12:01:00.003-04:00

and it finally feels it, too.

i've been tested, i have mostly not passed, i have been advised, i have played hookey, i have made lots of small talk and introduced myself to people who will not remember my name, i have registered, and reregistered, i have come up with a degree program plan and then promptly been told not to do that but do this but that it was all good cuz i was gonna be here awhile, especially if i went on to the almighty D.M.A., everything changed again, and i am suddenly facing way more than the usual course load and course conflict forms, which means, YES, i do, in fact, need a time turner this semester, and in the end, i'm okay with it if they are ok with it, but everyone is out of town for the fabulous labor day weekend over which i will be relearning the clarinet entirely so i can go sound like crap for an ensemble audition that won't really matter because with a school this size i have a 99% chance of playing in band, which we all know i love with the passion of a thousand firey suns, if they are right next to my left eyeball, shaft won't stop meowing or laying on the keyboard while trying to eat my hand and i feel like i should be exercising, alot, but instead of actually doing it i just sit inside with a cats head on my hand as i type this posting thinking, wouldn't exercise be nice? wouldn't having a few weeks of being healthy and comfortable be nice?, the military is still being very MISSING in the payment of my tuition bill, but i'm trying not to stress it, they always come through in the end, right? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

ok.

cramalot

2009-08-26T20:49:00.006-04:00

so the first day of cramming went kind of like this:

and then the second day went like this:

and then tonight kinda went like this:

and now i'm all:

which means this weekend i'm totally screwed with this:

sigh.

and so it begins...

2009-08-24T21:07:00.001-04:00

it's here.

school.

quitting my job and such.

i'm laying right next to Grout.

very determined not to read it.

but i imagine the cramming will begin soon.

i feel sad i haven't blogged about all the books i've read so far this summer. maybe this is how i will while away my hours of procrastination...

what, exactly? is the best way to cram for exams that are supposed to cover the entire course of a four year degree??

no idea.

but i do know that me, grout, and ambien are about to become quite the menage a trois.

soooooo, what does being healthy mean?

2009-07-16T13:00:00.002-04:00

emz wanna be healthyish journal – Week 1

Ok, so some of you probably want to know what is up with me and my health. Cuz I get all uber dramatic and stuff and verbal diarrhea all over the blog and then just never follow up. Not that anyone I know besides Megs actually reads this thing anyway.

If you aren’t interested in weirdo health talk, etc, feel free to move along. I’ve got another post on The Summer Reading Challenge and a big picture fiasco of our last camping adventure in the works(if anyone else is interested I’m tentatively planning another camping adventure the weekend of July 25th and would love to see some friends if they are in the area and game, but shhhh! Eddie doesn’t know yet. And we KNOW he never reads my blog). Hopefully, I will get to them soon. But lately, sensory/emotional overload has been ruling Chateau Robinson. Things in life here are in pretty big turmoil, big change is in the air and I’m very grateful for my therapist! and for the distraction of facebook games. cuz WoW just isn't as entertaining these days.

The last I posted on my health and what I was going to do about it was in winter, when the whole PCOS freak out happened. Unhelpful doctor put me on the pill and told me to suck it up, I was destined to be manly and probably a hundred percent infertile (from my symptoms) for the rest of my life. I started the pill, which turned into insanity. Weeks of hives, insane acne and whole new exciting body odors took over!! Plus migraines and back pain that left my legs completely numb from the hips down.

I was feeling awesome!

So I took my pills and waited.

And waited.

And waited.

And I stopped sleeping.

Joined a support group for emotional eating.

Got really really sad.

Decided I needed meds or an institution. I was leaning towards institution, but eddie wasn’t having it. such a killjoy!

I saw the doctor.

And she was amazing! Thank goodness for having good luck when you need it. caring, compassionate, understanding and determined that she could help me. What a change. We played with meds for a few months, I started being able to sleep and actually go through the motions of everyday life. I stopped laying awake fearing all the awful things that just MIGHT happen at any moment.

Did I ever mention that depression sucks? Really really sucks.

Found a therapist.

She’s even better. Very zen, very supportive. Which is what she would say has been really missing from my life.

So things started to get better psychologically. Couple mental breakdowns. Couple weeks in bed paralyzed with depression/anxiety/fear, but most days that isn’t happening anymore! Progress!!

I am thankful for that.

And I officially think not having your periods while on the pill is the best idea ever. When I think about how many fricking days of my life were wasted having pretend god awful periods?? Never again, thankyouverymuch!

But now that it no longer feels right to be as physically bad feeling as I was psychologically feeling, well, I’m starting to sense that the timing is right to start evaluating my physical health issues and how I can positively affect them with food, etc.

It’s time to get back to all that amazing knowledge I learned at Integrative Nutrition. And for once, I’m actually looking forward to it.

Stress and my body’s total inability to handle it without flipping out is a big problem for me at the moment since I’m preparing for grad school to start in 7 weeks!! And I’m still working full time for now. A necessary financial evil.

And the main problem seems to be toxicity and digestion. So my current baby step of choice (thank god I’d already weened off caffeine!!) is to keep my food choices as easy on the system as possible for the next few days to try and support my super sensitive digestion. No sugar overloads (sorry, dear friend PIE, I will miss you for awhile), lots of water, ALL my vitamins, especially Vit. C, probiotics and the F word, FIBER. Green tea and simple foods, berries, veggies (which I have to go buy some… lucky me there is a farmers market right outside work today!!) whole grains (well chewed ;).

We’ve been eating a lot of meat lately (grass fed local beef, at least) cuz of the grill, but I’m gonna try and back off on that as well. I’ve been having HUGE indigestion issues lately as well, meat sometimes causes problems for me.

I had some Kombucha Gingerade this morning and it tastes sooooo good. This is after days of wanting to yarf everything that I swallow because of the intense indigestion. It is a little bubbly in my tummy but has been surprisingly refreshing and soothing.

So, I’m going to try and do a little babystep health post each week, just to keep me focused on what I want to be trying and how I think my experiments turn out as i move along. Maybe it will evolve into something more nutritionally factual so it could be helpful for someone else too instead of just miscellaneously ramblings of my everyday health.

We’ll see!

And feel free to comment on this stuff as much as you may want, about your own adventures in food/health, or desire to just check into a mental institution. Might be fun to hear about some other people’s experiences too!

farmer's market yielded: zucchini squash and new potatoes for dinner, nuts and fresh cherries for lunch. that and another big bottle of water. all for $3! :D

Mom comes to visit!!! Squeeeee!!!

2009-07-12T13:04:00.022-04:00

So Mom came to visit.

which you probably gathered from the title of this post.

we did so much fun stuff!

ikea!!

food!!

facebook!!

:D

and since megs will want pictures, we took our time and made sure to take pictures of everything we ate.

now you get to be jealous.

super jealous.

anyway, friday night we went to common roots cafe. sadly we did not take any pictures, but we split fish tacos (YUM!) and a pasta dish made with peas from the garden at the restaurant and cream. eddie ordered a chicken and capers dish with chard in it that had TONS of lemon juice in it. It was just like eating sour patch candy! i was in love!! mom came up with a recipe btw if you dig sour foods!

Sour Patch Chard

Ok…here goes.

This is one serving (me)

Take ½ bunch of chard…wash it really well so it won’t be gritty. Slice it up a bit/stalks, big leaves.

Put about ½ cup of water in the bottom of a lidded pan and bring it to a boil.

Add the chard and steam with the lid on for about 2 minutes.

Remove the chard to a dish.

Cut a lemon in half and use the juice of a half of lemon over the chard along with about two teaspoons of capers and maybe a bit of the juice from the capers. Add salt and pepper if you’d like…

no chard at the farmer's market yesterday or i might be eating that today!

and we couldn't resist the vegan strawberry peach tart. mmmmmmm.....

after that sumptuous locavore meal we went to the mecca: IKEA.

they closed the store before we were done. :(

the next morning!

for starters we went to one of our favorite local cafes: Patrick's.

We both had the eggs florentine, mom had coffee, i had a delicious white chocolate mocha. or most of it. it was a little bit too rich!

once our bellies were content we went back to IKEA!! seriously, where else would we go??

but after we decided we had gotten everything we could ever want at that moment we decided to move on to the Taste of Minnesota! Sounds like fun, right?

That picture right there? the one right above this text? that sums up the awesome culinary wonder of Taste of MN.

if your reaction was wth? you aren't alone. we spent about 5 minutes there before we decided to leave. but we perused the vendors first and found me the greatest bag ever: hot pink with skulls.

c? it was all worthwhile...

to make up for the culinary disaster of taste of mn i decided to take mom to one of my favorite downtown mpls restaurants: Hell's Kitchen. we decided we would do our own Taste of MN.

we split the ham and pear sandwich and walleye blt, both with sweet potato fries with a chipotle dipping sauce (yum!).

and because we were the cutest little foodivores ever to walk the earth they gave us a free caramel roll (not really, the roll was free bc we sat in the seats right by the kitchen lol).

we totally were going to take it home to eddie..

really..

we were..

well, i guess it wasn't a total lie, we did take it home! it was just inside our bellies.

After that we couldn't handle much more.

i mean, seriously?

did you see that meal?

so we went back home.

i introduced mom to the wonders of facebook. teehee.

we got a propane tank for the grill!

we watered the dying tree we adopted at ikea -

we planted a teeny-tiny herb garden...

we gave shaft some fresh nip and he lost his kitty brain -

i mixed mom up an Amaretto Cherry Sour -

Amaretto Cherry Sour

1-2 oz Amaretto
1-2 oz Sour Mix
1 oz lemon/lime soda
splash of grenadine

and we introduced her to the genius of Sarah Haskins:

The next morning we took mom out to our favorite pancake joint: Original Pancake House.

they have the most awesomest cheesy hashbrowns evar. plus crepes. and pumpkin pancakes. and thick cut bacon. and whipped cream. but you get the idea.

afterwards, mom waved buh-bye to Chateau Robinson and made her very very full way home.

and in case, you didn't catch the detail -

where'd the nip lady go?

so i started this great post...

2009-06-29T12:38:00.003-04:00

that was full of pictures from our two camping trips so far this summer!

awesome, right??? i KNOW.

anyway, my computer has sequestered the pictures in an unknown location. they are no where to be found.

i open up photoshop and there they are, all nicely tagged.

i open up the picture folder it SAYS they are stored in.

no pictures.

and i already deleted the damn card.

so this means, i have to find them, somewhere hidden on my hard drive.

WHY?! computer! WHY?!

in the meantime, a little advice:

When you are perusing the dollar aisle at your local grocer and there is a box of 100 green tea bags for $1? keep walking.

frugal emily saw 100 green tea bags for a dollar and went "SQUEEEEEE!!!!" with joy at the idea of uber cheap delightful sun tea all summer long for a dollar! IKNOWRIGHT?!?!

monday morning emily poured herself a glass of iced tea and promptly spat it out.

just say no.

to the $1 tea bags.

also please enjoy this picture:

WoW - Undead Warlock by ~evion on deviant ART

that's totally me in WoW. i wish i was eating babies and fueling my dark energiez Right. Now.

but alas, it shall have to wait a bit longer.

(deviant.com is total internet crack btw)

in other news, 9 weeks!!!
9 WEEKS till grad school starts.

i haven't been this nervous since undergraduate started.

and i have to study for the most insane set of placement exams i have ever seen.

i thought IU was nuts, but seriously, this school takes the prize. 4 days of tests.

any advice on the best way to prep? i'm determined to place out of everything and i better get started with the studying.

also, i choose my own audition rep. this is very new. no idea what i should play....

books, books, books

2009-06-25T10:50:00.003-04:00

Alrighty, so I’ve finished two books so far of my summer reading challenge, the first a bit of paranormal romance fluff Night Pleasures by Sherrilyn Kenyon.

This genre doesn’t quite absorb me the way that it used to, but I still enjoy the fast, fun reading experience it provides. I found the romance story predictable (which is almost the point of romance novels, I think), but I enjoyed the basic world of the Dark Hunters. The writing style is fun, and there were many genuinely funny moments between the characters, which I thought were very well written. I really look forward to getting to know some of the other characters in this world in the Dark Hunter Series, the author definitely took the time to set up an interest in her secondary characters by making them substantial in this story, even though they were not the focus of the novel. Overall, a great summer read from the paranormal romance genre!

Second book I swallowed whole after I saw it online and rated it. The Blue Castle by LM Montgomery.

This was easily my favorite by L.M. Montgomery growing up, and Megs and I were devoted L.M. Montgomery fans. I’ve read the copy of this little paperback so many times the cover is gone, and the pages came unglued. This last reading did it no favors, either, the first 60 pages fell off completely. :( I think it is time to buy a new copy. Too bad they don’t publish it in hardcover!

I saw it online and immediately went home, pulled it off the shelf and proceeded to test it out. Some of those OMG I LOVED IT books growing up just don’t hold up anymore at this point, but The Blue Castle stood up even more firmly than I remembered it.

The book starts out with Valancy as a depressed, meek little thing who is trapped in a bland existence despite her spunky inner life and follows her on her journey as she finally finds the strength in herself to be true to who she is and her hopes and dreams and learns how to live life on her own terms. Such a strong female main character for the early 1900s (a little early feminism for ya! whee!), who has the nerve to have faults, to not be insanely beautiful, but to believe in the worth of every day of her own life, and despite the insane pressure of her friends, family and the society at large reaches out for her dreams and finds a sweet contented happiness of her own making. As Valancy would say, she made her own little dust pile, it didn’t have to be the biggest or most glamorous, just a little something that she loved and was her own.

I LOVE that I got to reread this book after so many years at a time that resonates so closely to my own journey of self-discovery. I’ve always related to these “I’m invisible” sort of female characters, mostly because that is how I’ve always thought of myself, as invisible and insignificant. Reading a book about a woman who lives with the daily pressure of defining herself by her beauty and ability to “catch a man”, who then dares to defy all expectation and find her own little happiness by being who she is instead of who she is expected to be, encourages me to keep searching and know that in time my little sweet spot of contentment will come along as well. We don’t have to live into the expectations of others in order to please them at the cost of our own happiness.

While obviously intended for an older audience than her Anne series, I still think this would be a lovely addition to any young woman’s reading list. L.M. Montgomery’s writing is beautiful, and while the ending is a little happy and rounded around the edges, the journey of the main characters and the ramifications of their behavior on their family and friends is powerful writing.

One of my favorite quotes from the book is when Valancy says, “Yes, I’m “still young”, but that is not the same as young.” This woman, full of cynicism, compassion, love and humor finds true joy in experiencing her present. An admirable trait in anyone.

I’m currently STILL working on Corelli’s Mandolin. Despite the slow lumbered way I’m reading it, the book is quite enjoyable, the characters are lovely and witty and the story intriguing. I’m only into the first 70some pages, but I guess that what slows me down is how quickly the story changes voice from one character to another, as soon as I get absorbed with the journey of one character I feel slapped when I have to swap into someone else.

On the other hand, I can’t WAIT for when all these characters become intermingled. I’m definitely intrigued with this journey. It is also interesting to read a work set in the experience of Greece and Italy in the second World War. I don’t generally read many novels set in WWII, but this definitely isn’t the dominant viewpoint I’ve experienced the story told from.

This challenge is soooo much fun.

I have most of my reading list fleshed out, I will work on getting that posted for people to peruse if they are interested.

Aren’t books the coolest?

Summer Reading Challenge 2009

2009-06-20T14:58:00.002-04:00

So I'm addicted to Good Reads.

Drooling over books all day long has become a delicious new hobby.

and I found this totally insane reading challenge on a group there.

and I've already spent tons of time drooling over the books I'm TOTALLY going to read all summer long.

riiiiiiggggghhhhhhtttttt.....

anyway, if you've got the gumption to join in the challenge, feel free to jump in the game, a good chunk of the fun is figuring out which books to read!

even if you aren't game, remember to set up your good reads account and friend me.

:D

book number uno that i'm reading is Captain Corelli's Mandolin.

Really enjoyable so far.

I've also added a widget to the right column that is displaying some of the books I've already identified to read for the challenge this year. In case you are curious.

Wheeee!!!!

in the meantime...

2009-06-20T13:11:00.001-04:00

go watch this...

almost 3 months!!!

2009-06-20T13:07:00.004-04:00

so it's been a loooong time.

and in that loooong time i've had a couple mental breakdowns, about 7 bajillion trips to the doctor, and lots and lots and lots of sleeping.

even right now.

i woke up when eddie went to work, worked for a couple hours, went back to bed for 2 hours, and am now being firmly held in place on the bed by one sleepy time kitty.

in the meantime, i've got some pictures from camping adventures, hiking adventures, doing nothing adventures, eating, and a summer reading challenge to document!!

things should be busy enough again soon.

nothing! NOTHING!!!

2009-03-22T09:30:00.003-04:00

i haven't heard anything back from grad school yet.

so i, of course, am FREAKING OUT.

but that is completely normal.

this month has flown by. not much has happened. though eddie and i are busy recruiting for our team for:

Ragnar Great River Relay

you totally know you want to.

really really really want to.

we started 'training' last week. which involves us going outside and running for very short periods of time while loudly exclaiming how this is going to kill us, that we are insanely out of shape, and OMG I'M DYING! RIGHT NOW!!

this is going to be so much fun!

scriptfrenzy is coming up this month. and i'm itching to write something new this year. i found script writing fast and easy compared to novels (remember i'm not writing anything GOOD) but last year at this time i was unemployed, and sitting in caribou coffee for entire days was a welcome change of pace from sitting in the dungeon cave.

which currently still has a christmas tree living in it. yikes!

yes, i am that far behind in Real Life.

the hormones the doctor put me on have given me an eventful two months. complete with a week of hives and the most insane mood swings of my adult life. holy cow. i was worried i had actually become bi-polar. now that i'm on the 'stable' portion of the month, i feel more sane, and less in need of a padded room.

i'm so positive!! the silver lining in every cloud, that is what i see.

anyway, i think there are some small improvements in my pcos symptoms, though my body works really hard to prove me wrong every time i think things are getting better. thus, the really large and painful pimple that has been brewing on my right cheek for the last week. it is one of those super deep ones that you can hardly see, but hurts like hell.

frickin acne.

the new exercise routine should help with my symptoms, too.

normal eating is still the journey i am on regarding food (and exercise, and body/life acceptance, /sigh). i have good days, i have bad days, but as in all things, i'm still making slow progress.

i've been cooking A LOT (mostly to save money, but also because i'm a good cook and it is fun). and i would blog about it. but you all might have a heart attack just from viewing the amount of butter we've been eating lately.

but the last month has seen a downgrade in cheese consumption. babysteps, right?

and an increase in veggie consumption as well! but i'm going to have to learn the best place to buy fresh veggies without bankrupting us. the co-ops here are just. too. expensive. and farmer's markets aren't open yet.

didn't do a CSA this year.

*insert hysterical weeping*

it just wasn't in our budget. and we are living without credit cards for the foreseeable future. being financially responsible and all. the interest rate on charging a summer of farm veggies would probably bankrupt us anyway.

did i mention i hate credit card companies? and BoA. they are the agents of the devIL, me thinks. sorting out our accounts with them when they decided to fuck over perfectly good long standing credit card clients was hell on earth (still is a little). but we are in the moving forward place now, which is much better than the holy fuck we are stuck place of before.

and, i totally love it!, fafsa told me i should be able to afford $14000 of my schooling next year based on our COMBINED income of $40,000 last year. that means, with two people working full time last year, we each made about $20,000 (doing our taxes was a real eye opener, no wonder we are so broke!). so if i STOP working to go to school full-time, i should STILL be able to pay $14,000 towards my degree?

this makes me grateful for the GI Bill. however, not surprisingly, the GI Bill isn't enough to cover in state tuition. much less tuition, fees and books.

ugh.

i am disgusted with our educational system. for realz.

so anyway, $40,000 total is almost liveable (though total shit for a two person working household) but this was a serious downgrade for the Eddie/Emily show. Since I, alone, used to make more than we make combined now. we didn't change our "lifestyle" to adjust for this fast enough. thus our current financial situation. sometimes, being optimistic turns into total shit when it confronts the real world.

so, for all you people out there who will feel really special about me fucking over my life by leaving the military: get your i told you so's out of the way now.

we may have destroyed our financial lives at the worst possible time in recent history, but i'm still glad i'm not living in delusional diet world.

this post, officially, makes no fucking sense.

so i will end it with one of my all time favorite pick me ups:

The Fuck It Diet

i'm tickled...

2009-02-05T20:17:00.001-05:00

mr. bale's fuckfest set to a catchy beat.

me likes!

and because it is my favorite thing eveh...

affirmative

2009-01-26T08:50:00.000-05:00

Just in case any one else is in need of some positive affirmations this monday morning...

-I am willing to let go; I release others to experience whatever is meaningful to them and I am free to create that which is meaningful to me.
-I am loved and appreciated just as I am.

reeds suck.

2009-01-24T12:10:00.001-05:00

that is all.

practicing sucks

2009-01-24T11:38:00.002-05:00

and is really hard.

and i can't play any of my material straight through.

and my audition is next week.

i cry inside.

me hate clarinet again.

sick time..

2009-01-22T13:15:00.003-05:00

so all my test results came back reasonably normal. yay! i guess.

but i'm back on the almighty BC pill until it is time to get myself knocked up.

hopefully, this means i'll be feeling healthier soon.

except for the fact that i've been sick for two days.... ugh. being sick sucks.

but in the meantime, eddie and i have taken steps to take control of our deteriorating financial situation.

this is us keeping our fingers crossed that it works out.

in the meantime, everyone give me your best ideas for saving money!! we've been scrimp scrimp scrimping for a long while now, and i'm always looking for another way to cut down costs!!

all i have to say is, thank you, hulu.com!! ;)

New Document, Please.

2009-01-02T11:34:00.001-05:00

so it is January 2nd.

wait for it......

pretty much the same as January 1st.

i'm still ridiculously bored.

i realized today that in my ignoring of this blog, lots of stuff i used to update all the time? ya, that stuff isn't up to date anymore.

i gotta figure out what i'm gonna do about that. i don't particularly want to deal with flickr anymore. i never did a good job of filtering the crappy pictures form the entertaining ones anyway, and i definitely don't want to go back and sort through all seven thousand on there, much less pay for the pleasure of that job.

anyone have suggestions for great photo sharing sites other than flickr?

free is definitely a requirement these days.

in the meantime, i'm currently in love with etsy and am dreaming of all the amazing crafting projects i will soon complete.

riiiiigggghhhht.

i did find my crafting supplies the other day. and holy spotted cows! where did all those scrapbooking supplies come from?!!? i must have lost my fricking mind!

ok, i know i lost my fricking mind. but just for the record, i have hundreds of dollars worth of stuff and i haven't scrapbooked a single thing.

what. the hell.

and please add this to the record, i have no intention of ever completing the projects i originally envisioned. what can i say? i'm just not a scrapbooker.

what a terrible shame...

back to surfing my photosharing options..

notes to self:

2008-12-31T14:46:00.002-05:00

i don't know what i did with new year's resolutions last year.

i do know that i was so absorbed in drama, life events and random hopes and dreams (most of which weren't mine) that i could barely see straight much less think about the previous year or the future one.

in many ways, at that moment in time eddie and i were doing the dance of the barely surviving.

everybody has done that dance at least once in their lives. YOU know what i'm talking about.

ANYway, this year is different, because right now i'm looking back on one of those annoying times where EVERYTHING CHANGED. so annoying to have to say that. but it did. everything did change this year.

not all changes were positive and i won't make you vomit all over the front of your shirt by saying i have learned from all my mistakes, because we all know that that shit totally didn't happen.

me? learn? never! i refuse.

but, tomorrow morning will be the one year anniversary of my last job with the band.

it will have been one year since i spent the afternoon alone with a bottle of champagne in a room at a friend's house getting TRASHED at 2pm and then going to bed and not waking up for 14 hours.

it will have been one year since i waved eddie, ben and the uhaul down the interstate on their way with all of our ikea furniture and two terrified cats praying they wouldn't die and that i wouldn't die of utter panic and anxiety in the two weeks it would take before i was to make that very long drive myself.

i didn't die.

obviously. neither did eddie, or the cats, or ben.

and i won't lie about how leaving that job and place wasn't nearly as joyous an experience as i had imagined. it was completely terrifying and extremely belittling.

friends who had become the bedrock of my self perception turned into complete and utter dickheads and i realized i was so far indoctrinated into the mindset of that world that i didn't know my own way out.

and honestly, i have spent this entire year trying to figure out how to get out of that place. i've spent all this time picking myself apart trying to find the real pieces of me and not just the pieces of me that everyone else told me i was.

it has actually been the last few weeks that really brought me to this point, i've been too busy falling apart all year to notice the parts of me that are getting ready to heal.

it is very hard to pay attention to the things that are coming back together when so much ugly shit is falling apart everywhere you look.

2008 recap:

this year i was unemployed for three months.

i was employed at a library for two months.

i am currently employed (going on 5 months and keeping fingers crossed) in the awe inspiring world of a corporation.

i am applying to grad school (though the admissions office is not interested in my money and is taking much convincing). did i mention this is for clarinet performance? see? i have no idea where that came from either. life is very surprising.

i became a certified holistic health counselor and promptly stopped seeing all my clients! did i mention my killer business skillz?!

i didn't finish my novel. again. shocker!

i did finish a screenplay! shocker!

i played a lot of video games. :)

i lost some friends and it hurt. alot. some of the time they chose to move on and sometimes it was me doing the leaving. but each time i made a decision to move on or that i would respect their decision to move on without me it hurt. good friendship doesn't come easy and it is always sorely missed, even if it was time to let go.

despite enlisting ben's services to help me divorce eddie we keep on getting back together. i guess we are just a couple of terrible codependents that can't seem to move on to greener pastures.

sorry eddie, i guess we are stuck together. i have no fucking clue why you continue to hang around with me, but i am terribly grateful for your love and support amidst all my dramatic delusions of insanity.

ur the bestestest.

at this point, you may be like... why all that drama earlier? well, things haven't been one giant cupcake of happiness here. i think i cried more often this year than any other year, except the previous one. my crying while in the band was much more traumatic than the crying afterward. ha! i DO win!

financially, things have never been harder. and the job outlook at my current work isn't promising.

but i have a great resume padder and a renewed determination to follow the path towards the goals i originally started towards years and years ago when i was 17 and felt like the world was one big vegan chocolate cupcake with vegan chocolate buttercream frosting waiting for me to devour whole. yum! (btw i'm not vegan, but you totally should check out vegan cupcakes take over the world for some kickass cupcake recipes)

i feel like my time with the band branded me in a way i can't explain, i will never feel the same about myself after the judgements and criticisms i had to face there. it took away something i don't think i can ever have back about my hope for my future and my place in the world. maybe that makes me a big fucking wimp and that's how they do it in the "real world", but at least now i know i'd rather be a big fucking wimp playing in my make believe world where people are allowed to be happy than trying to prove myself to people whose expectations can never be met.

maybe i could have done that and kept that job? i'll never know the answer to that question.

but the rewards of that path weren't worth the cost to my sanity.

so, one year later i can say, not only do i not have any regrets, i am eternally grateful that there were two people in my life who said to me in my moments of doubt "you cannot keep this job".

those thank yous belong to eddie and sally.

i'm posting all this because up until 2 weeks ago, when the holidays arrived with a big wet cold slap to the face, i hadn't even thought of the fact that a year had passed.

i was so devoured by the day to day... pay the bills, try and be mindful, spend some time on supportive care for yourself, stop worrying so much about your health... that i completely forgot this milestone was coming.

and suddenly, it was here!

and all those old influences were still rubbing salt in my old wounds, not letting them heal. but on christmas day i realized i didn't have to deal with it any more. i could just walk away from those people and things.

so i did.

granted they are still poking around the edges trying to remind me "you don't measure up! you aren't good enough! see! how much better you could be if you just tried harder!" some people call this supporting others to be their best selves. i just consider it being an asshole. there is nothing so exhausting as wasting all your energy trying to measure up to someone else's idea of perfection.

are any of us truly unaware that we are imperfect creatures? are any of us operating under the impression that we couldn't be better at SOMETHING in our lives? do we really need people to constantly slap our faces with this information?

who needs friends like that? i'd rather have friends who say things like, "make sure you take care of yourself! i'm sending hugs your way! you are perfect just as you are so stop trying to be something you don't want to be!"

i'd rather pour my effort, love, creativity, and pazazz!!1! into something that was important to me.

but after years and years and years of being told what was important i have to start all over again and figure out what they hell that might be.

which brings us to my hopes for 2009:

i'm dedicating myself to having fun, in whatever form it manifests itself in.

i'm dedicating myself to being mindful of my life choices and relationships and cultivating those that bring me the most peace and joy.

i'm committed to setting appropriate boundaries with others who may or may not have the foresight to be appropriate themselves. ha!

i hate leaving things unfinished. i damn well better get into grad school or i'm going to be a very cranky baby.

Your turn to share! What are you planning for the next year?

is it over yet?

2008-12-30T07:37:00.001-05:00

i can't wait till everyone gives up on those weight loss resolutions so i can stop seeing the commercials.

blurgh.

sorry, weight watchers, but your marketing fails...still a diet!

what a week..

2008-11-06T21:13:00.003-05:00

tomorrow does not feel like friday.

but i will be grateful for it none the less!

this has been a tough week.

brilliant little emily finally put 2+2 together about all the health problems that have been driving her absolutely bonkers for 2 years....

and thought to myself, huh, maybe i have pcos...

and then mom tells me, "um, ya, you've always had it"...

and i slap myself on the forehead for being so oblivious as to what's going on.

it's a delightful little part of pcos called insulin resistance.

anyway, it has caused a major perspective shift for mr. robinson and myself as i stare myself down in the mirror and wonder how i was so blindsided by my very very obvious condition.

so this has been my first week without sugar.

don't worry i haven't lost an ounce of the enormous amount of weight i've gained. but eddie and i have laid down a 30 day wii fit challenge, which he is guaranteed to win, but i did my best to beat his high score on advanced step today. mwuhahahahahahaha!

anyway, being good is hard, but i am determined to fix this naturally, but terribly fearful, that with the severity of my symptoms nothing but medication will help.

it hurts a lot to feel like you are trapped in your own body and have no control over what happens to it.

it hurts even more to know that a year ago to the day, i had friends, who i thought the world of, tell me that by leaving the band i was going to get "all fat" because no one would be forcing me to be accountable to my weight. and that it happened to me, and that it still makes me cry when i think about it.

all i can do is stabilize my blood sugar and exercise, but it does feel terribly hopeless these days when i get up and look in the mirror and see the drastic changes that are manifested all over my body.

anyway, day 3 of the month long wii fit challenge and my abs are sore.

and i'm wishing for better weather so i can go back outside to exercise...

sorry for the depressing post.

nanowrimo begins!!!

2008-11-01T14:00:00.002-04:00

zomg!

haven't written anything yet. am feeling a little sad that i didn't get around to revising my scene list and plot structure yet.

but i should have enough to begin.

except i haven't.

gotta love procrastination!!!

it has been a dramatic week around here, but things are moving from the freak out stage to the let's just get used to the new way of things stage.

it is a better place to be in, this whole, no more denial place.

the question is, how long can it last? i'm hoping quite awhile, but only time will tell. denial is my favorite thing in the whole world.

so, today i have 1700 words to write, i already finished (FINALLY) the book series i started months ago. the ending was great. the three books leading up to it, not so much.

i loved the story, but the execution of it drove me absolutely bonkers.

meanwhile, it is the time of year that always makes me want to drag out my old crafting projects. i've got cross stitching to last me a lifetime, several pieces of work clothes that need mending (on the new sewing machine) and boxes upon boxes of scrapbooking supplies for the thousands of pictures just waiting to be sorted and displayed.

where the hell do you start with a project like that??

i'm going to spend this afternoon sorting our pumpkin picking pictures so i can send lindsey the "baby with pumpkin" pictures i took.

it would be a shame to send her the pictures three years from now when i finally manage to get around with it.

to my credit, they are on my computer! lol

why?

2008-10-26T23:46:00.002-04:00

i ran today in a sleet/snow/wind storm.

WHY?!

i choose the strangest times to be hard core.

i'm very unhappy post freezing cold wet run...

Go Megs!!

2008-10-12T18:54:00.002-04:00

megan was the first manning girl to complete a full marathon today!!!!

injury free!!!!

ZOMG!!!

grats Megan! enjoy your hard won victory!

sleepytime.

2008-10-12T18:49:00.003-04:00

that is the best part about doing long runs.

they give your body no choice whatsoever about sleeping. you simply experience full system shut down.

today i'm missing my Enterprise re-runs. i was never a treckie, but for some reason the show (that most treckies didn't like) caught my fancy.

i like not paying for cable tv, but i miss my sci-fi channel when i am laying prone in bed wishing my feet didn't hurt quite this bad.

so the half marathon is next weekend. i really think i'm undertrained, but i might give it a go anyway. it will be very disappointing to be running so much slower than the last time a did a half-marathon, but that is what happens when you take 8 months off and gain a bunch of weight! :)

Yesterday we went pumpkin picking at a local orchard with our friends. i will post photos soon. i'm too tired to go downstairs and drag up the cable right now.

all i can think about is going to sleep.

i don't wanna.

2008-10-06T18:58:00.003-04:00

the theme for the week, i've already decided.

i'm supposed to be doing one of two things: running or cleaning out the three years worth of bills piled in my office.

i am doing neither.

you know why?

you are so smart!!

tonight for dinner, if i'm good, i'm going to make pumpkin pancakes. the double p of insanely happy tasty goodness.

i've been thinking about them all day.

i <3 the pumpkin pancakes.

monday morning biz professional

2008-10-06T11:01:00.000-04:00

Sleepy and without caffeine. As we can see my hair needs some desperate help. If you are bored enough to read this you are bored enough to suggest a new style for me. One that doesn't involve the straightening iron pls cuz I am hella tired of doing that every morning!

my puter has gone nucking futz

2008-10-04T15:00:00.003-04:00

so, i just wanted to get a couple ren fair pictures off the snappy before i went running and suddenly photoshop is importing 2000 photos.

....

including all the cover art itunes apparently has for every single cd on the computer.

argh!

this is me avoiding my run..

2008-10-04T14:18:00.002-04:00

finished paying some bills. always distressing, because no matter how often you pay them, you always have to pay them again soon.

my hiatus from responsible adulthood is officially over, it was sweet while it lasted, now eddie and i have to get back on track and dig out of the hole that quitting our jobs and moving halfway across the country caused.

in the end, it is good for us, having to tighten up our spending (not that we are very good at it). it means that 6 months to a year from now, when things are on a bit easier path we will have developed some good frugal habits. it is just so hard when you first start down the path.

first, you have your friends, who want to go do things that are expensive and think that we turn down their invitation to go bar hopping because we don't like them anymore, when really it is because we don't have $200 in our budget for overpriced drinks and rude crowds. maybe nobody really has room for it, but we REALLY don't have room for it when we can have people over for dvds and drinks for less than $20.

and what is even worse is when people offer to pay for you. i hate that! not that i don't appreciate the offer which is meant with the best of intentions, but i chose to do or not to do something based on my need to be accountable to myself, not to freeload off other people just so i don't have to truly face that sometimes luxuries are not necessities when you go through the times we are going through.

in the end, it is me that has to be an asshole by either being really rude, refusing their offer, or by making them decide not to do something as a weird show of solidarity or something to the fact that i can't afford to do something.

and after all the drama and pushing is over, i feel guilty and nobody has any fun.

it would almost make it easier if people just stopped inviting me to do things. at least then i wouldn't have to say no thanks, and then when pushed clarify by saying, it isn't in my budget. why do people have to make a big deal out of it? everyone goes through tough times, let's not force people to say, "i'm broke! stop asking!"

oy vey.

most of the time, i have just decided that i won't have enough fun doing something to warrant the cost it is going to have. this is just the way our budget is working these days.

anyway, i just get annoyed cuz i feel like all this pushing to get me to do things on other people's tabs or otherwise makes us into some kind of charity case. we will be okay financially, but we have accrued a lot of debt between the expense of moving and being unemployed and up until this point about a month ago, we didn't make a concentrated effort to cut back on our expenses. i don't regret for one second our decision to move here, i just would like a little more support from other people about trying to spend less money on eating out and "hanging out".

some days we do well, some days we don't, but we are gradually getting better.

now if only i could keep the boy away from burger king and me from starbucks.

WHY did they have to put a burger king across the street from his work?!?!

lol.

sorry for the vent, hopefully mom doesn't have a heart attack, i don't really mind being on a tight budget, it feels right with the economy in the shitter and eddie and us being in financial denial for so long. it feels good actually, to feel like by taking control of our spending habits we can make a significant difference to our future. and, like eddie said last night, it makes the times we do something "special" more enjoyable.

yay for david wilcox on thursday!!! i'm so excited! they are filming a dvd, too! it should be extra good.

wish me luck next week, though. i've allotted myself 10 dollars in workplace caffeine splurges....will i be able to do it??? lol.

when i'm leaving for work shaft is...

2008-10-03T17:26:00.000-04:00

Making me cry cuz I wanna go back to bed.

Friday is never gonna end. I'm still at work waiting for my ride.

bummer.

friday traditions

2008-10-03T12:28:00.000-04:00

mmmm.....sweet potato fries and a veggie burger....

is it over yet?

2008-09-29T07:19:00.002-04:00

nothing worse than getting up early the morning after a "long run" (not that mine was all that long, mind you).

i feel like i could sleep for days....

i'm so excited!

2008-09-27T12:33:00.002-04:00

and i just can't hide it!

but anyway, wrath of the lich king spoilers follow but this is possibly the coolest thing ever!!

WOW_Wrathgate_1024.avi

the stretch

2008-09-26T11:34:00.000-04:00

I really wish I was this cat right now...

somebody has sunshine

2008-09-26T11:23:00.000-04:00

Trying to set up mobile blogging. Gggooooooo kitties!!!

wednesday....check.

2008-09-24T23:31:00.003-04:00

i love it when wednesday is over!

it means tomorrow is thursday which means the next day is friday.

which is a wonderful day because it means the next day is saturday.

that is very "present" of me, now isn't it?

this week has been surprisingly good, especially after the drama of being so sick last week. i always appreciate how nice it is to be healthy after i have felt really awful for a few days.

downloaded Mirror Mirror and Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister to my cell phone for bus reading (i bought them for tour reading but never got to it about 2 years ago). i have been without bus book since i finished Wicked, which made an excellent bus book because i didn't feel the need to finish RIGHT AWAY, i could read it for short bits and step away and do other things without feeling possessed by a need to know what happens next. it gets annoying having to find new bus books all the time, so it is nice to know i have a few stashed away. i hate dragging the giant hardcover epic fantasy novels everywhere with me, so i've been reading two books at a time lately. an ebook for my bus time and a flesh and blood library book for when i feel like reading at home.

which, as i said before, hasn't been inspiring me much lately.

i'm gonna have to start taking pictures again, cuz good lord, my blogging is hugely uninteresting right now!

zomg

2008-09-23T22:37:00.003-04:00

august 2nd??

wow, it's been awhile.

that seems to be the first thing i've said in every post for the last year.

good news: even though the lappy is basically dead, it still functions enough for me to lay in bed and write this post before sleeping. that is a good thing. i've missed you, lappy. we've had some good times.

earlier this evening i thought of all these cool ideas for posts. now all those ideas are gone from my head. they disappeared in the 45 minutes it took me to tear apart the basement to find the power cord to before mentioned abandoned lappy.

it was upstairs lying curled up under a baseball glove.

which, of course, makes absolutely no sense. but now my office is in total chaos, so i guess it was destined to be. my office is never organized for more than 2 days, it might mean the world would explode. the universe stopped that from happening by sending me on the mad hunt for missing power cord.

i'm excited for the upcoming life consuming event of NaNoWriMo. You may say to me: "but Emily! it doesn't start till November!"

You would be right. and i didn't meet my goal of having completed the first draft of my current book before October 1st so that i may being draftin a second book in November. but for the first time ever i'm actually getting somewhere with my outline and scene lists, i've actually got an antagonist that works! yay! i'm very excited and hope i can wind my way around to an ending that makes sense for the characters and their stories. i've filled several notebooks with scene lists, i'm gonna have to end it soon or i may go insane from how long and winding everything is getting.

in the end, i probably won't write the rough draft of this book till november. big disappointment, i know, so it means i will have a legitimate story to wade through for NaNo and not just some random insane word spewing.

word spewing is so much fun, though. and that is generally how i get the nuggets i turn into stories that make a little more sense later on.

when i manage to finish them.

if i ever manage to finish them.

recent reads:

The Imriel Trilogy of the Kushiel's Legacy books by Jacqueline Carey. They were entertaining, but a little too Richard/Kahlan for me in my current mood. I didn't enjoy them as much as I did the first three Kushiel books, the Phedre Trilogy (which Eddie just finished reading).

Currently trying to read the Soldier's Son Trilogy by Robin Hobb, whose Farseer and Tawny Man Trilogies I adore. Some of my favorite epic fantasy writing lately. But the first book has yet to grip me. I kind of feel like I'm reading a text book. And maybe that is intentional, but I've always loved how her characters just reach out and drag you straight into all their passionate human existence. i always feel like i'm right there living all those moments with her characters. but i haven't even started to really care with this book.

maybe i'm just not in the mood for another fantasy trilogy right now. i should switch up the genre and come back to it.

but it is always hard for me to come back to a book if i step away from it.

also finished Wicked, which was much different than i expected, though i honestly can't say what i expected. no, i haven't seen the musical so i had no preconceptions. i didn't love it, but i certainly enjoyed reading it. it was very clever and that made it really entertaining. and of course, i loved Elphaba, she was just my shade of darkness.

speaking of darkness, halloween is coming!! what is everyone dressing up as this year?

reading matter...

2008-08-02T10:56:00.002-04:00

i was supposed to run a 5k this morning.

key word: supposed.

but eddie is forcing both of us to start a weight training program (which we desperately need) and I can't really walk today i'm so sore.

not so good.

so i didn't go to the race. eddie is working today so i would have to not only run the 5k when i can barely walk around the house, but i would have to walk myself home afterward. at 5:30 this morning that thought was unbearable!

can you tell i'm out of shape that a 5k intimidates me?

but i did get my free t-shirt anyway!

otherwise, life is pretty unexciting. started a new job a month ago and am trying to acclimate to working early mornings, not so fun.

i haven't cleaned out my fridge in over 3 weeks. it terrifies me.

i skipped picking up my csa this week cuz there is no place to put anything in there and i didn't want to clean it out to make room that badly.

eddie and i are either skipping meals or eating out ALL THE TIME in our procrastination of cleaning out the fridge. i am tempted to just haul out the fridge and bring in a new one. except i'm not that strong. i guess in the end that is less disgusting but more work.

i've discovered the dangers of having a cafeteria at work for lunch, as well as working in an area with a bajillion restaurants. thankfully they serve some relatively healthy choices and i've been living off overpriced brown rice, tofu and veggies or salads for a while.

though there are these really amazing breakfast sandwiches that have nothing healthy about them.

i think this is my cue that i need to go eat breakfast...and for my weekly library visit. very important.

more cooking fun

2008-05-08T20:47:00.003-04:00

so eddie and i are on "vacation" this week.

sort of.

it is officially our last week of unemployment as the two of us are both starting new (permanent *hopefully*) jobs next monday.

a mixture of relief and sadness travels through me.

in all honesty i will be very grateful to be working a 9-5, though i will mourn the loss of the "unlimited free time" that being unemployed is. which isn't free time at all, since you spent at least 14 hours a day working on resumes, surfing job listings, crying over your bank account, and praying for the gods of job hunters to take some frickin pity on you already.

some people were jealous of my unemployment. like i was on one big vacation.

but trust me. not having a job because you can't get anyone to hire you is absolutely nothing like vacation.

but it is finally over!

today we went for a hike (and by hike i mean, long walk through naturey area, minnesota happens to be really flat) and then for dinner i made spinach mushroom calzones with the butt load of farm fresh spinach from my csa.

never made calzones before, so they came out with a little more crust probably than necessary (i was playing it safe) but we enjoyed it all the same.

csa fun

2008-05-04T13:04:00.003-04:00

so i made a yum yum egg, nettle, chive, garlic and parmesan cheese concoction for breakfast.

i've never eaten nettles, but when it arrives in your CSA box, it is your moral duty to at least prepare and try the food. especially when your farmers are kind enough to provide you with recipes!

it was supposed to be an omelet, but i hate making omelets, so i just threw it all together sort of scrambled egg style, i guess.

added some organic chicken apple sausage and we had a num num sunday morning breakfast with more than enough animal protein to keep the hard core carnivore who lives with me completely satiated.

nothing quite like eating your greens in such a tasty way!

mmmm....mexican food....

2008-05-02T10:24:00.004-04:00

so just in case you have cinco de mayo party plans you should check out the recipes at eatingwell-

yum!

i'm especially liking the Strawberry-Margarita Compote for a dessert. (though i would probably sub agave nectar for the sugar for dipping.)

though i must admit i am a little disappointed that their only vegetarian main dish is all eggs, milk and cheese...not that i'm hard core vegan..it was just disappointing to see that was their only offering that wasn't a side dish and i just figured that since beans were such a staple, they could do better than that...

just have to keep searching i guess!

ooooo...check these out: Kale and Black Bean Tacos

from my other favorite place to search out recipes: Delicious Living Magazine

i'm supposed to get kale in my spring csa share today, yay!

i won!

2008-04-30T18:38:00.001-04:00

woot!

and it was a total cliff hanger...

despite my terrible wing-it philosophy of writing, this totally worked out in some strange way.

and one of my main characters became very evil...i should do that more often. it was fun.

this is me procrastinating

2008-04-30T10:48:00.002-04:00

so today is the last day of Script Frenzy! and I have 26 pages to write still.

oy.

i don't know why i must always procrastinate so badly.

it is a very bad personal habit. yet here i am, again, putting it off.

i'm gonna get 2 hours in before my appointment, and then i have 5 more hours to finish.

i'm a very fast writer (since i suck so much and have stopped caring if the end of the plot matches the beginning) so it should be over, no problem what so ever.

here's to hoping.

am i dying or is this normal?

2008-04-29T15:13:00.002-04:00

so, april has been one weird month.

between scripting, a very strange new adventure, the two weekends in new york, and trying to get myself ready to start my new job, i have no idea what the heck is going on with my life.

i've alternated between detoxing and eating more white flour than EVER and have come to the realization that while i LOVE my school, i also have a hard time not HATING some things about it.

and those things generally have nothing to do with the education i'm receiving there. i have learned such an amazing amount of info.

but! it is hard to be a health at every size/love yourself no matter what you look like kinda girl in a health nut community.

and that is only for one tiny little reason....there are many many people who are "health nuts" who believe that your body size has some sort of reflection on how healthy you are.

and i've had to engage in several discussions with people who believe that the only important measure of health is body weight.

and heard them say terrible things about other people's bodies and appearance, pronouncing judgement on people who do not measure up to their expectations.

and their preoccupation with getting clients to lose more weight instead of trying to shift the focus to being healthy and loving who you are in the moment.

that eternal hunt for that future moment when everything will be perfect. your body, your weight, how ripped or muscular you look. when you will no longer struggle to turn your nose up at junk foods or things that are pronounced unhealthy.

the eternal hunt for anything but acceptance that now is your moment, and this is the one body you have, the one chance you've got to be happy.

this isn't to say that we shouldn't dream or hope for better things.

but it seems a very hard way to live, to constantly motivate yourself to change by telling yourself that you aren't good enough, healthy enough, skinny enough, fit enough...whatever your poison is.

listening to this breaks my heart a little every time, because i will never be better than who i am right now and neither will you. because right now is all we have. and while we can hope and dream and take steps towards those things that are important to us, lets make sure we don't put our energies all into everything we are not, let's put our energy into everything we are and appreciate ourselves for all the wonderful ways we experience the world.

k, i'm done with the random ranting for now.

i have one and a half days to finish this script. and as usual i hate my plot. maybe i will kill my main character. i was gonna give him a happy ending, but i don't know if i like him that much anymore.

back to work.

story brainstorms

2008-04-19T12:10:00.001-04:00

i love nothing more than coming up with eight million new great scene ideas during my running sessions.

and then sitting down to write them and realizing that they make NO SENSE in my current script.

yikes.

so i'm sitting here, trying to finish my script for script frenzy at a 24 hr. write-in. only three hours in and i want to break my f-ing computer.

going home and sleeping the rest of the day sounds like a frickin fabulous idea!

except for that whole, no excuses, i have to write 100 pages thing.

only 37 in.

and my story already makes no sense.

time for new characters!!!

spring movement

2008-04-17T15:11:00.002-04:00

so today i went running.

i've been hit or miss with the exercise since we moved here to MN. i keep playing around at new routines but nothing sticks longer than a week or so.

so my goal is to explore every single tiny little park around the house to see if i can't find something easy and brainless for days when it is just "too much work" to go outside.

today, with the threat of rain, chilly wind and looming dark clouds i dragged my butt down the road to a neighboring park. i had driven by this park a hundred times but couldn't decide if the sidewalk led off into a running trail or if it was just a sidewalk that ran by a "pond" as eddie likes to call all the lakes in the city.

i found myself a happy little running gem! much closer and not nearly as crowded as the one up by the bigger lakes.

it has a large biking trail that loops farther out than the running/walking path that runs through the trees and ran up next to this small lake that has ducks and geese and cattails and all kinds of birds. it really feels like you are out in the middle of nowhere while you are off down by the lake. it was awesome! it also runs up to a huge playground and mini-golf course (which will make eddie happy).

i was quite pleased with myself for finding something closer than the other running spot.

the loop is a little over a mile long, so it will be good for shorter runs and easy to adjust the mileage depending on my needs. i like loops. i can always go someplace else for weekly long runs.

but i always forget how stupid tired i am after runs when i haven't been running regularly.

my brain always gets tired before my body feels it.

i really want a nap right now.

Spring Clean

2008-04-15T12:44:00.002-04:00

so, i got home from class yesterday and it finally hit home.

i should actually clean my house once in awhile.

it is so easy to procrastinate cleaning when you are wound up about a million other little things and then one day you wake up and you are like:

OMG MY HOUSE IS DISGUSTING!!!

so, that is what i'm doing this week. Turn my very nice little house into something other than big stacks of paper and dirty dishes.

wish me luck, i hate cleaning.

i repeat: i hate cleaning.

in other news, i've been reading lots and lots. which is always very inspiring for me personally. i may or may not blog about the books i've read and how they've been valuable, or not, we'll see. i don't pride myself on my book reviewing skills, but i may drop a line as i try to get myself back on board with blogging.

and i need to take pictures!! and how can i send pictures of a house that is an absolute mess all the time?

you would think all the time i spend at home would allow for 15 minutes of cleaning here and there. evidently, the more time i have to myself the less likely i am to get things done.

go figure.

back to picking up...

feb. 2?

2008-03-05T11:34:00.002-05:00

my last post was a whole month ago!

life has obviously heated up for me the last month or so.

anyway, it is snowing outside.

again.

silly ice and snow covered minnesota. i guess i had a memory slip about how long winter really is here. it's really really long.

oy.

granted, it is a pretty winter, nice soft, fresh white snow almost everyday!

but i am itching to spend more time outside.

my vitamin D levels have to be woefully low!

but in order to feel like i am not turning into a giant winter sloth hidden inside everyday i purchased myself a trainer for my bike.

the cheapest one i could find!

and i am so pleased with it. i rode my bike inside yesterday (i set up the tv and dvd player downstairs so i could entertain my brain while doing it) and it was so much fun.

who do you ever hear say that about an indoor bike trainer?

here's to hoping i can get myself in fighting shape for summer race season soon.

now i just have to find an affordable lap pool.

for healthier super bowl ideas

2008-02-02T09:54:00.000-05:00

check out these recipes

from eatingwell.com

their layered bean dip looks yum.

time keeps on ticking

2008-02-01T22:01:00.000-05:00

man, i haven't even thought of my blog in awhile.

how's mn?

things are cold.

but today, not so much with the cold.

and honestly, in our busted poor state, we often don't leave the house.

job hunting isn't fun.

today i had a private writing date with myself.

i got about 30 minutes of work done.

but that is officially the first time i worked on the novel since last november.

eddie starts his new job on monday!

and i'm still sending my credentials out into the universe....

if you want a free health history session, call me! i've got plenty of time to squeeze you in.

the kitties are very much happier here. though shaft still has panic attacks every time we put our coats on.

our living room gets lots of sun in the morning and they enjoy their sun bathing sessions enormously.

and my washer/dryer are HUGE. omg it's unreal. no more tiny washer. it's so much better than i ever thought it could be.

i can now do like 3 towels in one load! i never knew the joy being able to wash more than one towel at a time would bring me.

i'm heeeere....

2008-01-12T11:12:00.001-05:00

amanda and i decided to be crazy. so we drove straight through to minneapolis.

we got in about 5 am cst.

so i've gotten about 4 hours sleep, and she is still passed out, but we arrived in one piece in the frozen north and i'm really really really dreading unloading the crap from the car.

oy.

still doesn't feel real yet to be in this strange place that has boxes upon boxes of my stuff in it.

tires meet open road...

2008-01-11T07:38:00.000-05:00

well, hopefully.

amanda and i are going to be off this morning after packing up the car.

ohio here we come!!!

last day last day last day!!!!

2008-01-08T07:43:00.000-05:00

it's the last day dance!

and look at the inspiration i got in my inbox this morning:

"Take chances, make mistakes. That's how you grow. Pain nourishes your courage. You have to fail in order to practice being brave."

Mary Tyler Moore
Actress

bad news is...

2008-01-07T09:47:00.000-05:00

i'm still doing the checkout dance.

and this dance is even sillier than the chicken dance.

but tomorrow is my last day!!!! omg!!!!

but the good news is:

i get to start seeing clients!!! i'm very excited!

here's my website: www.cloudninewellness.com

and if you want a free confidential health history consultation or want to learn more about my health counseling program you can contact me through the website!

it would be awesome for all those get healthy new years resolutions....of which i have my own long involved list i need to get posted here....

i'll check back in again before i leave for the frozen north.

not done yet

2008-01-02T08:50:00.000-05:00

but soon.

eddie is in minnesota with the cats and all of our stuff. but he hasn't sent me any photos yet.

i will continues harassing him.

i am still in dc. boooooooo.

Yay! It's XMAS!!!

2007-12-25T14:08:00.001-05:00

Email Holiday Pic, originally uploaded by funystuf3.

we say happy holidays-

cali says it too, she just refuses to sit still...

hope you are all well and happy!

best greens ever

2007-12-04T18:58:00.000-05:00

so as many of you know, greens are super good for you.

but they don't always taste super good, and while they are nummy when they are cooked right, if you don't pay attention when you are cooking them (or aren't following a good recipe) you'll end with not so much deliciousness.

i've been experimenting with my greens cooking and today i discovered a mucho yummy way to make chard from this amazing cookbook (seriously everything in here is good).

and it is soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo easy.

so, you take 1-2 tsps (i used two) ofghee and melt it in your saute pan, swirling it to coat. slice an onion (red or yellow, i used yellow) into crescents and cook with ghee on medium heat, approx. 5 minutes. be careful not to burn. don't walk away. it's only five minutes.

clean 1 large bunch chard (whatever color, i used white) thoroughly.

here's a quote from a great article on greens for cleaning:

"Fill sink with water and add greens. swishing them well. Lift greens from water and remove from sink. Drain water and sediment. Repeat, swishing greens more vigorously during the second rinse Repeat process until water is clean. Occasionally, very dirty leaves will need to be rinsed individually. Many recipes call for leaves to have water clinging to them, so do not dry the leaves unless specified in the recipe."

um, ya. i didn't do that, i got all lazy and just rinsed 'em. i recommend not being lazy with cleaning the greens.

Remove leaves from stems, slicing them both up, but keeping them separate.

add 1/2 cup water and stalk pieces to pan, cook about 3 min., then add chopped up leaves. steam for 4-5 min. after that, toss them in a bowl, sprinkle on some sea salt and enjoy!

seriously, try it. it is amazingly good. yumyum.

and fork over the cash for the ghee, cuz that stuff keeps forever, and adds mucho flavor power in a small package.

and buy that cookbook. it is filled with easy happy mouth cooking ideas.

anyway-

i had this with a butternut squash i roasted by cutting in half, putting in an old cake pan i use for roasting things, sprinkling on olive oil, sea salt, pepper and rosemary.

happy mouth. happy stomach.

back to being productive!

so i may be a winner at nanowrimo

2007-12-03T16:15:00.000-05:00

but the rest of my life is a wreck.

five weeks till unemployment.

approx. three weeks till eddie moves.

and i'm so disorganized i don't even really know where to start.

this is going to be a very very difficult december for me.

anyway, i don't really know why i'm blogging about this, since mom will probably read it and freak more than me, but sometimes you just need to admit to the world that you are a bit of a fuckup.

so i admit it. i'm a bit of a fuckup, but i am trying to get better.

i can't go back and fix all the thousands of little mistakes i made at my current job which led to my current level of unhappiness, or how inadequately i prepared for this life transition i am facing. i have no choice but to move forward with all of this.

and i have to admit, if it wasn't for flylady, i might be buying a plane ticket and becoming a homeless person in Norway. that sounds pretty nice right now. but i'm trying to fix it the shitty american way, by working way too hard for too little money. or, in my case, no money at all, since apparently i am unemployable.

enough whining for the day?

go off and read something more fun than this....

You Were Nice This Year

You Were 30% Naughty, 70% Nice

Okay, so you weren't *entirely* nice this year
But Santa doesn't expect a modern girl to be perfect
You were good enough - and you'll be rewarded for it

Were You a Naughty Girl or Nice Girl this Year?

i'm a winner!

2007-11-30T22:08:00.001-05:00

cuz it just makes me soooo happy!

the last day of november is the best day of november!

wow.

2007-11-30T21:55:00.000-05:00

in case you didn't notice, i finished that damn 50,000 words anyway.

hellllooooo sore wrists.

but the finger hurts slightly less.

it has been a bitch to deal with, 3 finger typing=no fun.

i'm still in shock that i wrote 28k words in 2 days.

for a total of 35k in 4 days.

procrastination for the win!

and this time, i'm not deleting the novel i wrote. technically it is in the middle of the story, yet i somehow got it to end at a sort of logical point. right at a climax, but it made some sort of strange twisted sense.

well, i'll get back to you on whether that is really true when i get around to editing it.

the next project is to finish the story.

i'm in shock.

did i mention that?

good intentions bested by can lid

2007-11-28T21:56:00.001-05:00

so i cut my finger. really bad.

3 hours in the emergency room, 3 stitches and one finger splint later, my novel writing binge has stalled.

/cry.

i'm gonna try to three finger my way as close as i can, but that stupid can lid had it in for my noveling dreams this year.

damn you can lid!!!

who's your inner european?

2007-11-27T22:03:00.000-05:00

awww...it has been so long....

Your Inner European is French!

Smart and sophisticated.
You have the best of everything - at least, *you* think so.

Who's Your Inner European?

and you know the procrastination is bad when i'm watching pride and prejudice while doing my "writing".

other good news, i've written 7,000 words today. only 27,000 to go now....

and yes, megs, it is your favorite scene where he's walking across the english countryside at dawn....

i guess i can steal that for my book. 'cept it doesn't really work out where i am in the story right now....

i know, i know, at this point it shouldn't matter whether the story makes any sense, i should simply be writing crap down. but this year i can't help myself from trying to make this a first draft i don't just delete three days after nanowrimo is over.

i need 3,000 more words before i go to bed.....oy....sometimes procrastination hurts a lot.

the reason you go to thanksgiving at someone else's house

2007-11-25T12:17:00.000-05:00

i think i've gained 15 pounds just from eating leftovers.

they are so ridiculously good.

but we have a ridiculous amount of food. i'm seriously putting the hurt on it, and it is putting the hurt on me! :)

anyway, i made a bunch of leftover brown rice yesterday when i made it to put in the turkey soup.....awwww turkey, the endless leftover possibilities..... and am trying my new, turn leftover brown rice into a quick meal for any meal trick. this morning i made porridge out of the brown rice by adding a little water, cranberries, cinnamon, oatmeal and a little agave nectar for sweetening. it's really creamy and soft. it reminds me of when i was little and would put cinnamon and sugar on white rice. only better for you! :)

and i will send all interested parties the cheesecake recipe via email once i get around to digging it out of my kitchen. thanksgiving sort of took over my house in a very chaotic sort of way.

in other news, i finished my paper, have done no work on the nanonovel, and should be practicing.

i imagine none of those things will happen today.

but here's to the last day of thanksgiving weekend!

yay!

2007-11-23T10:32:00.001-05:00

i'm only 24,000 words behind!

yay!!!

so thanksgiving turned out great!

mother forced me, long distance, to brine my turkey.

that only created a minor kitchen catastrophe as i spilled half a gallon of turkey brine all over myself and the kitchen. ain't nothing like smelling like raw turkey dipped in the ocean.

but the brining did make a big difference in the taste.

as did the copious amounts of butter slathered all over before mentioned turkey.

but overall, everything came together amazingly well. my guests had their doubts about my ability to put it together (i'm a chaos cook) but it got done and it was good.

i made pumpkin cheesecake for dessert and it was the bomb. better than the stuff you get in the restaurants. so don't buy those $40 pumpkin cheesecakes anymore. i've got a recipe!

anyway, i've got a paper to write for school before i get back to the nano and turkey soup to make this afternoon. hopefully i won't get dragged into a token black friday insanity appearance, but we'll see.

happy day after thanksgiving day!

um, ya

2007-11-12T14:32:00.000-05:00

so i'm only one week and 10,000 words behind!

what happened?

even i don't know.

but i've got a few days here to put in some extra time and get myself back in action.

never fear, i can recover from almost any procrastinating i do! last year i procrastinated the whole thing till the last three days of the month.

not that you guys are holding your breath about this anyway.

this is me

2007-11-08T12:45:00.001-05:00

procrastinating.

so i did really well with my word count for awhile.

but yesterday i just stared at my computer screen. stared and stared and stared.

writing nothing.

so now i'm behind.

and i've spent 45 minutes of my allotted time at panera doing everything EXCEPT writing.

i'm at that part again.

you know, where stuff starts to happen, and i'm just, let's face it, a really bad writer. and sometimes, writing really bad can be fun. and sometimes, writing really bad is merely depressing. or, totally depressing. you decide.

so i'm tired today. and cranky cuz i'm behind, the next four days are really busy and i have no motivation to continue this story.

cuz let's face it. even I'M not entertained at this point.

ok, i'm done whining now.

i'm obsessed

2007-11-06T23:50:00.000-05:00

with my nanowrimo ticker.

i check on it every time i update my word count.

this can't be healthy.

anyway, the writing is going good. i'm on schedule this year. it's weird. but today was the first real craptastic writing day.

i had to write my 1667 words one hundred increments at a time.

and they were really crappy one hundred increments.

i'm not going to enjoy editing this draft.

and this year i AM going to edit the damn thing instead of just deleting it.

after 3 years of nano i should at least walk away with one shitty rough draft, right?

so here's to actually finishing a draft this year!

oh you knew it was coming....

2007-11-01T15:10:00.000-04:00

happy november!

i have 3 minutes to type this before i have to go back to writing my 'novel'.

anyway, yay! for nano insanity!

and this year i'm not on tour!

i've never written a nano while not on tour! (except for the, you know, 45,000 of 50,00 words i wrote in the last 3 days of november last year.)

gooooo procrastination!

this should be fun!

please make the exclamation key on the lappy stop working so i can stop being so excited!

i've just started but haven't entered a word count in yet...

and i need to buy myself some more cloud nine tea. it is my writing tea of choice. ok, i lied, it is just the best tea ever. and i'm almost out after all my careful rationing of the last batch. i wanted it to last forever. but it didn't.

anyway, i'm off for another fifteen minute escapade, hopefully by the end of the day i'll have managed to get my software to count my words for me and you will see my magical wordcount rise.....

ps: i don't know why this whole thing makes me so filled with lunacy. it just does.

it's halloween!

2007-10-31T14:35:00.000-04:00

how exciting.

i would like to say i'm doing something special to celebrate my favorite of all holidays.

but i'm not.

i spent the morning at Teaism, one of my all time favorite places. i won't miss much about DC when i move but i will definitely miss Teaism.

i, of course, came home with a bag of salty oat cookies.

which are the cookie bomb.

the shaft is still dressed up in his sick kitty outfit and it is seriously pissing him off.

he is coping by having us bury him in the yellow fleece ducky blanket and trying to sleep the suffering away.

i would feel bad, except he has just decided to stick his conehead into a small space and get stuck. and he has gotten remarkably clever at finding things he can stick in his cone to itch his eyeball. which is why he is wearing the cone in the first place.

he must be feeling better.

anyway, he is so sad, pathetic and snuggly it is almost like being smothered with cat love. last night he wedged his little cat body into the two inch space between eddie and me and proceeded to spoon us all night long. i would have melted with cuteness if i hadn't been so frickin pissed that i couldn't sleep and didn't have the heart to throw him out of the bed.

yes, my cats abuse me.

in other news i'm starting a new crafting project.

one my cats CAN'T eat. (hopefully) I'm gonna try to do a photo montage of its progress which will be amazingly slow, i promise.

healthy blogging

2007-10-30T14:36:00.000-04:00

if you are interested in more health/food adventures, check out my new blog:

Intuitive Health

i'm soo not happy with the template yet...expect changes if you plan on reading it!

obviously, very much a work in progress....

is he a sad kitty or is he a sad kitty?

2007-10-30T10:34:00.000-04:00

so shaft has got an eyeball problem.

and in order to be good parents, we must be bad parents and bust out the dreaded

E-COLLAR!!!!!!

ain't nothin like a cone on your head to ruin a perfectly good day.

the plus side of this being all the uber-delicious moist tuna cat treats i get hand fed from my guilt-ridden parents, as they watch me struggle to find a comfortable sleeping position.

poor kitty.

you need to read this

2007-10-28T12:10:00.000-04:00

so i love this blog: Junk Food Science

and when i say i love it, i mean it.

i really love it! :)

it offers a refreshingly honest look at all that 'health' information out there in the media.

and this post will really make you think carefully about the health 'epidemics' that the media keeps screaming about.

it is a must read, in my opinion. even if you don't think you really care about this. read it anyway.

but don't stop there, read the rest of this blog, too. check it everyday to see what's the latest headline. you'll be amazed at the wool being pulled over everyone's eyes in the world of health today.

empower yourself.

take control over your own health today by arming yourself with knowledge. stop pretending that your doctors know everything and always have the best answer for you. and stop believing the headlines until you've had a chance to look into the research behind them. sometimes, all that scientific research is remarkably not like science at all.

don't worry, tomorrow i will bring you pictures!!! :)

sometimes you just need a break....

2007-10-24T17:33:00.000-04:00

today is one of those days.

i didn't give myself permission to not be an overachiever until about 15 minutes ago.

so i've spent all day overachieving on tasks that are long and involved and will probably never be completed.

you know those tasks.

the ones that you just have to work a little on everyday for the rest of your life, knowing that you might never be able to cross it off on your 'to do' list.

the ones where there will always be new information to think about and digest, new things to practice and learn.

i think i've been hell bent lately to try and find the end point for all these tasks that might take me years to 'finish', if it is even possible at all.

i like deadlines.

it gives me something to procrastinate!

but sometimes there aren't deadlines, there are only experiences.

so from 5:30 pm on today, i'm gonna stop trying to sum everything in my life up in my to do list and checking it off as 'complete'.

which means i finally have time to enjoy the day.

so i was trying to focus...

2007-10-23T14:08:00.000-04:00

but i'm a total hyper active scatterbrain today.

i haven't even had caffeine.

it is soooo so sad.

i keep spending tons of time thinking about all the cool or exciting things i could be working on and am really pumped about doing.

so many fun projects are running around in my brain.

and that is all they do.

run around in my brain while i stare off vacantly, frantically checking the clock. every.fifteen.minutes. dreading the fact that soon i will have to go off and do something uninspiring and uninteresting. so i'm pretty much day dreaming my days away.

i don't get it.

but hopefully soon i will calm down a little and get down to business.

because all this procrastinating of things i actual ENJOY doing is more than a little weird for me.

perhaps i'm more nervous and scared than excited and pumped. that might explain why i feel paralyzed to act so often.

who wants to discover that something they really really thought they would love doing sucks? or even worse, that maybe you love doing it, but you aren't any good at it?

i know i'm a crackpot. now i have to learn to love being one anyway.

misc. news

2007-10-22T13:34:00.001-04:00

and so many exciting things have happened!

i went to my first class at IIN and the whole experience was very inspiring. i was sad i had to miss the second day because of work.

silly work.

but i got to see amanda and ethan and louis (only in passing) and spend a little over 24 hours in new york. i'm looking forward to my next visit in November when i will, hopefully, be spending more time there.

so now i have lots of homework. which i'm really looking forward to. and i've decided to start another blog, just to talk about what i'm reading, experiments i'm trying out, with my own health, things i'm cooking, etc.

so as soon as i start posting, i'll link you over there, in case you are interested in reading it.

i wouldn't want all my growing health and nutrition interests to overwhelm the regularly scheduled whining you find here on marvelous mediocrity.

it would simply break your hearts, right?

so, lately i've been super excited about swim class. she is teaching us all these things i know NOTHING about, like flip turns, and butterfly, and the RIGHT way to do breaststroke. i was so NOT doing the breaststroke that way. it's really nice to be learning brand new things. i can't believe how stagnant life feels when you just keep working on the same old things all the time.

while there is comfort in routine, it sure as heck isn't much for inspiration.

eddie is working on getting his resume to animal hospitals in the twin cities and it looks like he will be moving sometime end of dec./early jan with me following him around the 20th of january.

yikes!

things are really heating up here.

i alternate between total stress meltdown and complete hyperactive over excitement.

and sometimes collapsed exhaustion.

that was yesterday.

i slept 13 hours and then felt a little better.

yay! :)

<

Happy Chicago Marathon!

2007-10-07T08:57:00.001-04:00

Megs is running the chi-town marathon! Goooo megs!!

update: Grats on the medal, miss megs!!!

books in your email!

2007-10-05T12:32:00.000-04:00

this is brilliant.

it would be even more brilliant if i worked at a computer all day.

cuz it would look like i was working.

'cept i'd be reading.

mwuhahahaha...

DailyLit

check it out!

before i forget everything about myself

2007-10-03T14:10:00.000-04:00

i should write a post.

i am edging on complete comatose collapsation.

that is definitely not a word.

lately i've been super busy in that whole, this is just normal life on crack, sort of way.

whatever that may mean to you.

to me it means i feel like spaz but that absolutely nothing ever gets done.

except existing.

it isn't true.

i'm doing things.

i'm just so tired i can't remember what those things are.

damn.

i'm a good whiner, aren't i?

so guess what time of year it is?!?

it's nanowrimo!!!

and i still haven't finished the story i started last fall.

so disappointing. but i still have approximately 27ish days to finish it.

you do the math.

especially since i deleted the first draft and redid my outline.

i have something like 400 words written. and i really really really want to write something new this november. nothing is more cliche than amateur writers who work on the same damn thing their entire lives. i've got lots of ideas, i just can't seem to give myself permission to start something new until i've finished that first project.

argh!

any motivation ideas?

right now, i'm motivated to take a 3 hour nap (cuz i can) and then eat dinner (cuz i'm a hungry girl, but not as hungry as i am tired) and then go back to bed (cuz sleep sounds like being in heaven).

give me a will to finish it! i know it sucks, i just want to be able to say i made it all the way to the actual end of the story at least once.

.........falling....asleep...........

the bmi illustrated

2007-10-02T13:57:00.000-04:00

do you know what the bmi standards look like on real people?

we hear a lot of numbers about what we should or should not weigh, but would you be able to guess what people really weigh? especially since we almost NEVER tell the truth about that number on the scale?

i can't tell you what i weigh, somewhere between 170 and 180 usually, which according to the bmi calculater makes me 2 points from obese.

check out this slideshow from kateharding.net to illustrate what this ridiculous method of determining health really looks like, not on paper, but on real people.

i lived!

2007-09-28T20:19:00.000-04:00

not that next week is any easier.

it isn't.

but i must celebrate my continued existence at this moment and that i don't have to go to work tomorrow.

thank god.

anyway, i don't have much to say but have you seen this website?

what the hell does a vegan eat anyway?

yum.

general question

2007-09-21T17:22:00.000-04:00

so do any other bloggers get annoyed by people who are constantly saying things like:

"OMG! I can't believe some of the stuff people put on the internet! What if someone comes and uses it against you, cuz I can't believe you would SAY that! You know, once it is out there you can NEVER take it back!"

i do.

drives me bonkers.

good cooks have no fear

2007-09-19T15:49:00.000-04:00

the number one rule of cooking, i think, is that you can't be afraid to make mistakes.

cuz you will.

sometimes, the food won't turn out quite right.

the flavor may be off.

the texture isn't quite right.

sometimes, it even tastes like shit.

sometimes, you forget you are cooking and your food turns to dust on the stove.

once, i melted a crappy pan and set fire to a potholder. not so smart.

that was the last time i spent money on a crappy pan, btw.

but you can't be afraid to just walk away from your cookbooks every once in awhile and just make some shit up.

that's what i did today.

i call the above "ode to comfort food". pasta is definitely my go-to food. and this came out almost the way i wanted it to. i was scattered while i was cooking, so not quite.

ww angel hair, some kinda weird fancy pea i bought on a whim (which i didn't cook long enough), garlic, evoo, scallions, pine nuts, half of the herb garden from my balcony (which keeps on thriving despite my constant attempts to kill the damn things) and lots and lots of parm.

seriously, i prob just needed the cheese and noodles to be happy, but i felt the need to make it a more *fancy* concoction.

since i made an ass-load of it and didn't nearly get through even that portion of pasta, much less the rest of the pot, i think i will reheat it with some chopped tomatoes later today.

the boy will be happier that way.

i'm guessing his response to dinner will be, "where's the sauce?"

don't worry

2007-09-18T14:40:00.001-04:00

i'm not so angry anymore.

my last post was very bitter and angry.

and i never really got bold enough to explain all the details of what set me off, cuz i didn't want people to hate me.

that's the problem with wishy-washy people like me.

we rant and rave and then want to take it back before somebody gets annoyed.

and that in itself is very annoying.

so i'm leaving the post.

even though i really wanted to take it down today.

don't worry, i really feel those things.

i just wasn't sure if i was prepared to share them with the internet.

but this is an exercise in bravery. hate me for my fat love and nonsensical blogging if you will, but it is a big part of me and all my issues.

so what's new?

nothing.

i'm sooooooo sleepy.

got up at 4 to go to work at 5, and just got home and am now going to take a nap.

tonight i'm going to be reallyreally brave.

i'm going to sign up for a twice a week swimming class.

which means what?

i'll be wearing a bathing suit in front of other people.

actually, i'll be paying for the opportunity to wear a bathing suit in front of other people.

and learning how to swim for real.

so, like, maybe someday, it might, like, be more fun for me.

dude.

shaft is officially assaulting the laptop. he is thrilled that i am home to assist him with his napping, but highly disappointed that i am using my fingers to scratch that weird glowy thing and not his ears.

i guess that's my cue.

don't worry, i'm not only an angry fat chick these days. i have many layers.

like an onion.

i can make you cry, too.

this is soooo sad...

2007-09-17T20:13:00.000-04:00

yes i have linking disease!

the 52,500 dollar handbag

i mean, seriously.......

i love this woman's writing...

2007-09-17T18:35:00.001-04:00

Different Flavors of Outrage

so today was a very special day for me.

it was my last weigh-in for this job.

ever.

i won't talk about what i did to get to my weight.

because my traumatizing weekend is in my past and not my future.

and i'm very happy to say, i am fully committed to never dieting again.

ever.

and i'm going to throw away my scale today.

because i deserve more than the diets that do nothing but make me gain weight.

and i refuse to listen to anyone who may suggest that dieting works.

because it is a lie.

anyway, today i had delicious delicious mexican food with my friend joe for his birthday. it was fun.

and i was greatly annoyed at how many people exuded over how SKINNY i looked today at work.

they simply couldn't stop gushing about how GREAT i looked now that i had lost some weight!

i told them not to get too worried, i would return to my usual beautiful padded self again soon.

nevermind the fact that i wore my contacts and put on makeup for the first time in about 3 months. it was obviously the starvation that made me look good!

and my affirmation to never diet or stress out about needing to be skinny again only made me more aware than ever about how OBSESSED my coworkers are with their weight AND with other people's weight.

since when did people decide it was their personal right to comment openly in public about how much weight some one has gained? and why is it always with a voice of condemnation?

"look at him! he looks like he's really put on some pounds!"

sometimes i really hate people.

how the hell am i supposed to respond to that? "oh ya, he's turned into a real fatty! let's stone him!"

and yes, i know i'm sensitive about the whole weight thing. it keeps coming back up for me. and i'm almost always angry about it. but this is what i want to do with my health counseling. i want to help people like me someday. people who are tired of hearing that if they WANTED it bad enough, they could get it.

if you really WANTED to not be fat, emily, i think you could get that. but you have to want it.

also, did i know that people who left this job that so lovingly weighs you every few months always blow up 300 lbs? and that it was highly possible this would happen to me. because there wouldn't be anyone to hold me ACCOUNTABLE.

ouch.

no blame is given, of course, to the weighing procedure which required people to diet for 4-20+ years.

i don't know if i want to be around people who make these judgements.

and obviously watch 'the secret' and twist it into their own personal fucked up reasoning for why some people's life events don't always work out.

i'm sorry, but i was unaware that i simply had to WANT something to go right in order for it to go well!

i'm just soooo dumb!

and now i'm done ranting and raving.

oh ya, and i think i should become a plus sized model? or do you think i don't have the face and boobs?

the boobs are a little small i know.

i think it would be empowering.

maybe a new second career option? lol. i know everyone right now is laughing hysterically at the notion of me modeling anything. i don't exactly meet the requirements for 'glamorous'.

it doesn't hurt to be silly, though.

see? i still have a sense of humor!

and no, mom, i haven't gotten a break. the next two weeks are guaranteed to be hell.

i'm being punished for some unknown reason.

i just know it!

but then again, i guess i just didn't really want work to be easy.

cuz, ya know what?

people get what they want. if they want it enough.

alright alright i'm fucking done now.

omg

2007-09-15T11:50:00.001-04:00

that should perk up your day.........

i've been absent

2007-09-15T11:11:00.000-04:00

for not really any sort of a good reason.

i've just been fluffing about doing other things.

and those other things haven't been interesting enough to write in my blog.

but, today is an amazingly beautiful fall saturday.

perfect weather requires jeans and a sweat-shirt.

and laying around the house with all the windows open and a slightly chilly (nothing said jeans, sweatshirt and a nice pair of cute socks won't take care of) breeze airing things out.

and if eddie were home, he would be watching football, i'm sure.

tomorrow we will definitely be watching football.

i love fall.

anyway,

i bought a new purse today. this is always a six-month landmark for me.

i only carry one. i know, for shame! and i carry it till it is obvious that it is a complete fashion no-no.

the little green one i bought last time was me going out on a limb and i am thankful to be rid of it. i don't really want to be a fashion disaster, but sometimes i just don't have control over my own ability to not look like an idiot most of the time.

so the kitties are permanently attached to the window sills (they couldn't even be bothered to eat their cat food they were so excited about open windows) and i am permanently attached to the lappy with regular trips to the washer and dryer.

and that, my friends, is the extent of my plans for my weekend.

summer is officially over...

2007-08-31T15:58:00.000-04:00

bittersweet...

i used to love summer. but since i became a working person i have come to hate summer. particularly since i live in dc.

the weather sucks here.

but this year, with all my outdoor training, i decided to embrace the heat.

and despite the bizarre weight gain that has plagued me the last few months, and all the really hot heat exhaustion filled days, i had a lot of fun with my training.

i've been convinced to try another sprint distance triathlon at the end of sept. and i have hopes for a better experience. it is (by all signs) a shorter, easier course than the last one, and i really want to try and do a race giving it my full effort.

not just floating through a lake and wandering aimlessly around in transition.

now that i know what the general experiance of triathlon is, i think i can actually do the race and give it my all and see what happens! :)

it still makes me nervous. the whole event and all. and this one will have those uber testosterone filled boys participating as well. but by the time i hit the bike course they will all be light years ahead of me.

anyway, today, with the mental assistance of tracey (as usual. i really don't know how i shall function without her to prod me along.) i got back in the pool and i had a great workout...

if you are wondering, you should be shocked.

i was.

we did drills and of course, i came up woefully inadequate. but i had such a good time doing it. swimming is a frustrating sport because it is all about form. however, it is a good sport because it is relatively easy to improve yourself. it just takes good guidance, time, and practice.

i am getting better at it.

but it is definitely a slow process for my less than dedicated personality.

so i've heard rumors of a great swim class one of the other girls is taking and my next mission is to get started with someone who can tell me why i'm flailing so much.

other than my obvious problems with basic coordination.

alright so i finished.

2007-08-24T17:45:00.000-04:00

and i've spent my whole week in hiding.

which the three people who have spent everyday calling me are not happy with me about. but let's just say the mental breakdown that preceded last week's events only continued after the race. i'm starting to feel a little more human. not completely. but less hateful towards myself anyway. and that is progress, i guess.

just some of the crap you need to do a triathlon. realized just now that the bike event is not represented. let me go take a picture then.......

close your mouths. yes my bike is pink. it was a gift and i've become accustomed to being a girl with a pink bike. now i just need skull and crossbones painted on it.

like that swim cap i trained with! don't worry, i won't take a picture of that.

me and tracey loading up after all is over. this is the girl that got me into all this trouble. i swore at her a lot when i was swimming (or shall we say trying not to drown?) in that damn dirty lake. four words: duck poop and green clothes.

ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww..............

i'd probably do it again anyway. it was miserable but i guess i feel the need to punish myself.

here's some photos of me chunking my way to the finish line. and of course, me plus all the uber fit girls that did the race from my work.

everyone was super excited about their experience except me. cuz i can't ever be pleased with myself for making it through, i guess. secretly, i keep hoping that one day i will wake up and be magically good at athletic things.

it will never happen.

but i can't seem to let go of that wish.

Here are my official times:

SWIM:
34:13:00
SWIM TO BIKE TRANSITION:
5:44
BIKE:
1:15:54

BIKE TO RUN TRANSITION:
4:16
RUN:
39:05
FINISH
2:39:10

why yes, i was partaking of a picnic luncheon in the transitions. exactly how long does it take YOU to change your shoes?!? apparently, i am shoe changing handicapped.

so, other than basically floating through the swim portion cuz i was desperately worried about how much faster everyone else was swimming than actually paying attention to my own swimming, i managed to skin the shit out of my knee on a rock jumping in the lake and bruise the entire right side of my body crashing my bike when the chain fell off while on a hill.

anyone know what happens when you can't pedal and your bike is going up a hill?

yep, the wheels stop moving.

wanna know what happens when the wheels stop moving?

yep, you fall over.

not my most graceful moment.

it took me a good 10 minutes to get back on the bike. i just layed in the road and stared at the sky and then stood on the side of the road wondering if i was going to vomit my pb&j or if i would get back on the damn bike.

anyway, i finished the bike. and then came the easy part. the run. which i will always be super slow at. oh well.

and then it was over. and i went back to my current past time. being mopey and whiney.

god, somebody needs to figure out how i can get payed to do that for a living!

if you still haven't had enough picture fun, you can view vicki's gallery. she and her husband (and spectator) took lots of pictures of everyone and the events surrounding this triathlon. neat pictures of the transition areas and over achieving women acting like exercise crackheads.

tri fun!

that is the link by the way.

overall, i'm glad i did it. but my official position is that i wish i hadn't been so damned clutsy. the only soreness i felt post race were from the crazy bruises all over me.

go awkward woman!

update: yes! yes! i am sulky! that is the perfect word to describe me! ty teri!

and here are my race photos from the people on the course:
race photos

cat fun

2007-08-18T09:29:00.001-04:00

triathlon tomorrow!

2007-08-18T09:22:00.000-04:00

ah!

what, exactly, was i thinking?

ode to potato

2007-07-27T16:29:00.000-04:00

how i love thee...

those that know me well enough are aware of my love of these most marvelous of starchy tubors.

since my vegetable share from the csa i belong to got me a bag full of basil and a bag full of lovely little potatoes this week, i did what anyone might do.

i made pesto. and i put it on potatoes.

it was heaven.

it was my first time making my own pesto and i even forgot the garlic, but it didn't matter. it was still wonderful.

no pictures cuz this meal went like this:

dip fork in pesto, stab piece of potato (quartered and boiled till tender), eat.

repeat.

but as is the normal case with me and my favorite of starchy tubors, i ate myself into a pleasant food coma.

of course, this situation is probably heightened by the fatigue i feel from my swim today.

yesterday, i went with a couple other girls to bike the actual course of the triathlon i will shortly be attempting and today i swam without stopping the distance i will have to go on race day. (major difference: today was in a pool and the race will be in a lake. yikes!)

so i'm in a swim/starch coma.

it is really really hot here (this is me praying for thunderstorms) so i'm taking this opportunity to lie flat on my back in my bed with the ac running (a luxury i try not to indulge in more than is necessary.) perhaps i may even fall asleep. xcept i may never wake up again. i feel that tired.

it seems lately all i do is work and exercise. this whole triathlon thing takes up a lot of time. and while the swimming and biking are fun...ok, just the biking is fun, the swimming blows...i haven't yet been able to figure out how hard i'm exerting myself. i think i'm working harder than i think i am. did that make sense?

well, anyway. if the heat doesn't kill me, the exercise will.

or maybe i'll just nap and return to making coherent thoughts.

this is so f-ing cute i just want to die...

2007-07-25T13:20:00.000-04:00

in other news, i'm finally home from my recent trip with work. while i was there i took part in hp book 7 mania. only took a snappy camera with me, so hopefully, once i get them developed, i will have some fun pictures to show you. we totally nerded it up. it's more fun that way.

and yes, i've finished book 7. it's good and i'm happy it's over! eddie stayed up till 5 am last night finishing it. you wanna know how i know? because every 2 minutes or so he would shift reading position in bed, which would wake me up and i would peer at him, desperately reading as fast as he could with the little pink book light i bought on my trip.

i have never been so grateful as i was the moment he finished cuz that meant i could sleep uninterrupted for an entire hour! before my alarm went off.

as i was getting ready for work, he peeked at me and said, "i finished! now we can talk about it!" and promptly started snoring.....

lovely.

hmmmm.....what else is going on? i just spent a fortune on clothes for the triathlon. why is it that high quality workout gear always costs more than every other piece of clothing i own combined?!?

yes, i understand i can swim, bike and run in this clothing. but seriously!?! i feel like my wallet got raped and i didn't even buy the really pricey super cute stuff. (though i do think it is pretty cute. however, it is skin tight. i dislike skin tight, especially for exercising, cuz who needs to see the rolls bouncing around everywhere?! not me. i guess i'll just have to feel sorry for all the spectators since i won't be working out in front of a mirror.)

that's all for now folks. i'm going back to watching that kitten video over and over and over again....

if cats had opposable thumbs....

2007-07-16T13:33:00.000-04:00

it would be a lot less entertaining to watch them play.

anyway, the guaco-salsa (which is my absolute favorite thing in the whole world) i just ate was really spicy. deliciously spicy. but my mouth still burns.

what have i been doing lately? amazingly, nothing!! i'm so impressed with my ability to do absolutely nothing.

except for the grocery store.

i went to trader joe's and safeway, and i really should have gone to the organic market but i really am that damn lazy.

i wish i could say i've been exercising like a mad woman. but even though i have no problem doing the workouts, i'm just not interested or motivated.

i'm an apathetic workouter.

i recently read a book on transitioning to a raw food diet (which i've been obsessing over starting lately) and it was really good for me to read. i'm kind of an all or nothing kind of girl. and lately i've been all about the nothing where it concerns my food choices, general health and mental sanity. anyway, despite how insanely strict raw foodies can be, this book emphasized babysteps and gradual transitions and the importance of NOT being perfect all the time.

and that is a concept that is almost impossible for me to understand these days. i wander around in a funk that my life isn't perfect, that eddie and i are leading these messy lives where we screw up everything we can and try to learn from it, but only manage to screw it up a tiny bit less than the previous time we did that stupid thing.

that doesn't make any sense, i know. but long story short, this booked helped me get a grip on my food thoughts. primary and secondary. since i enrolled for school this fall i've been reading LOTS of food, nutrition, diet, etc. books. and most of them preach their specific style of eating and lots of them preach the concept of going cold turkey with those certain foods most people know hold no nutritional value. and i am just one of those people that just has to do the opposite of what you tell them to do.

it's probably because no matter how hard i try, i know i can't be perfect. why would i even try to do something when i already know i will fail?

that's what i liked about this book, and the philosophy of IIN. it isn't about being perfect, it's about taking small steps over LONG periods of time (this author spoke of how it was almost 8 years before she was actually regularly eating a traditional raw food diet). it is both safer and easier to make lifelong changes to your health and lifestyle that way.

so i'm trying to babystep it.

have you seen those personal sized watermelons??? i love them.

doobedoobedoo....

2007-07-11T19:53:00.001-04:00

i didn't do it!

the evil penguin did!

ANYway-

i'm super tired. i saw the new HP last night in a free pre-screening from the SO's workplace. we had to watch an hour of Advantix commercials in exchange for our free advanced screening. cute puppies and kitties, not so hard on the eyes, however the parasite trivia was less than appetizing.
don't worry. i ate my twizzlers while answering fun pop-quizzes on tape-worm, whip worm, fleas, ticks, and other creatures which prey on unsuspecting loving pets.

not that i'm complaining.

i got to see hp for free and 5 hours before everyone else.

mwuhahahahahaha.....

ANYway. went on a bike ride early this morning and then after work was over we had vita-mix day.

we drank all our food today.

veggies and fruits alike, lol. we could only get one texture out of the vita-mix....

smoothie.

apparently it is possible to produce food in OTHER textures.....

i'm planning on making tortilla soup tomorrow for dinner....i'm pretty sure it will be an experience like the one i had today! i wonder how long it will take before i'm tired of eating dinner through a straw....

ya, i know i'm weird.

did i mention i'm tired.

blurg.

inspiration from megs...

2007-07-09T14:51:00.001-04:00

so megs sent me a forward of the penguin times and this was the side column in it, written by John Bingham. I liked it so much I am putting it here for anyone else who may drop by to say hi.

Better than Ever

When all you are is all you can be

One of my favorite books is a little tome by Jess Laire entitled "I ain't much, baby, but I'm all I've got" (Doubleday: New York: 1972) I happened to read it at an earlier time in my life where being what I was wasn't all I wanted to be. The shortest synopsis of the book is that you are what you are and you can choose to spend your life frustrated by what you aren't or learn to be grateful for what you are.

In those days my goal was to be in a major symphony orchestra. I had friends who, at least to my ears, were no better musicians than me and they had, or were getting, jobs in major orchestras. I was convinced that I had as much talent as they did. I certainly had the ambition they did. What I didn't have was the job they did.

Life in those days was a succession of heightened expectations, exhausting preparation, and debilitating disappointment as I searched feverishly in professional journals for position openings, practiced endlessly the required audition materials and listened hopelessly as I was told that I hadn't made it into the next round. It was a nightmare cycle of anticipation and letdown.

In the years since I stopped playing professionally, I seen hundreds of friends, colleagues, students, and even my own son go through the same cycle. Sure, a small fraction have actually distinguished themselves and gone on to a measure of success, but that only makes the reality of having missed the mark all that much more bitter a pill.

It doesn't take much imagination to see the parallels between being a performing musician and being a runner. Very early on, though, I vowed that I would not make the same mistake as a runner that I did as a musician.

Like most new runners I was overwhelmed with the kind of progress I was making at first. But, then again, as a 25 year smoker, just not hacking and coughing at the end of a run was progress. As weeks turned into months and months into years the angle of ascent began to flatten out. It didn't take very many years before there were no new distances, no sure PR's, and no guarantees of success. I had quickly come to the moment of truth as a runner that had taken me a lifetime to reach as a musician. I was about as good as I was going to get.

But unlike my life a musician, my life as a runner didn't have to be frustrating. As a runner I had a choice. I could choose to accept the standards set forth by the running community as a whole, or I could create my own personal running world in which I alone was the standard bearer and where I single handily could decide whether a run was good or bad. I had the choice of deciding if running was going to be an activity that enhanced my life or was simply one more area in which I wasn't able to live up to my own unrealistic expectations.

Clearly, I chose the former. I chose to view running - any running - as a gift. I chose then, and continue to chose to see myself as one of the most fortunate of people on earth. I am fortunate first because I can run and second, because I am a runner.

Too often, it seems to me, runners refuse to accept that, in Jess Lair's terms, they ain't much but they're all they've got. That's not to say that they should want to be better - however they define better. They can chose to want to go faster or farther or both. But it all has to happen in the context of accepting that what they are is what they are.

If what you are is a 2:20 marathoner, then by all means you should do everything you can to be one. If you're a 15 minute 5K runner.. then be that if you can. If, on the other hand, you discover that you're a 5:30 marathoner or a 45 minute 5K runner, then being that is what you are. And being that is plenty.

The largest race in which I've ever been a participant had 47,000 entries. 47,000. That's a lot of people running from one place to another. And I would argue that what they share in common is far more important than the differences in their finishing times. What distinguishes those on the starting line from those on the sofa is that the definition of their best is always subject to reevaluation.

So if you see me smiling while I'm running, don't be surprised. What I know for sure is that I am the best runner I know how to be and the best runner that I am willing to be. That might not be much, baby, but it's all I've got.

Waddle on, friends.

--John Bingham

it's hot here...

2007-07-09T10:57:00.001-04:00

boooo.... i hate hot.

nothing much new to say other than my training sucks. i keep doing my long runs. but that is about it. i then lay about in complete exhaustion from the previously mentioned long runs. there is something about 2 hours of running in 100 degree heat that just destroys your will to live.

or move.

i'm probably not going to end up doing any of the events i'm training for, but i'm forcing myself to keep training.

my friend tracey refuses to give up on motivating me to complete the triathalon. i'm pretty sure i'll drown in the lake since i am, officially, the crappiest free-styler ever.

and they have been doing construction on my apartment building for two weeks.

not that i don't LOVE being woken up by loud maintenance guys shouting in spanish and beating on the outside of my walls. personally, i find that to be the absolute IDEAL way to arise from sleeping.

and on top of that, i'm all swollen cuz i keep eating out. and eating out makes me all swole. i need to start cooking at home again. maybe i should detox.

for my bday i used my fun savings to get me this and meg's bday gift to get me one of these in an attempt to incorporate more greens and raw fruits and veggies into my diet.

it hasn't worked yet. the dehydrator scares me. but my mother will attest that i have had a life long fascination with dehydrating food. soon i will learn how to make myself something with it.

either way, on wednesday i have a date with some of my other vita-mix obsessed friends to play with it. my friend tracey was supposed to get one with me but she is trying to back out of our bargain, so she's going to come over and make all the wonderful foods that she wants to with my vitamix so she can become convinced enough to buy her own....

that was the worst sentence ever.

and i really need to stop ending all my sentences with the word 'ever'.

*sigh*

what's new with you?

fun

2007-07-09T10:20:00.000-04:00

this are old pictures but i wanted to have fun with this little widget...